Why Not Wait?

So I think I'm going to turn the direction of my normal posts and write something completely opposite of what I normally write about which are relationships and sex.  Now although those are my topics of choice, that's not all there is to talk about.  I will somewhat talk about sex but in a quite unfamiliar aspect (I know this is somewhat contradictory, just bare with me...sometimes my brain just goes haywire).  Hence my title: Why Not Wait?  It's a simple question actually.  If you are not in a committed relationship, not married, but are single and looking for that perfect one for you...then why taint that with having sex with people who can't...for lack of a better phrase: put a ring on it?  I can talk about this because I've been on both sides of the spectrum.  I've been married...I've also been single, hoping to meet the right one for me.  So far no such luck but in that process I have learned a few things about myself and perhaps I can help someone else reevaluate their life and their actions and possibly make a change for the better.  I believe in prayer.  I don't always have faith like I should in God answering them but I am human.  I was once told that in order to get what you want in life, you have to act like you already have it and that God already gave it to you.  So, if you feel like you deserve a certain someone...on facebook your status should be "in a relationship".  I know it sounds absurd, but I have learned in my experience if you ask God (even though he already knows what your heart wants, but the bible does say ask and it will be given)...believe that in his time you will have it, honor him and be the best Christian you can be...just watch how your life will turn around.  I've done this, but life and the devil does have a way of getting you all turned around, but you have to fight back and have faith that God will give you the desires of your heart.  I know it's hard...trust me...I'm there with you, but meaningless sex is just not worth anything let alone losing your soul for.  It is better to marry then to burn and I know it's hard and I'm not trying to be little miss innocent because I'm not that innocent but I am trying to be as God made me...in his image.  Yes...we all want to be loved...but we have to go about it in the right way.  Nothing is wrong with going out on a date, but just take things slow...and that's me the most impatient person in the universe saying this but sometimes even I know when to have patience.  I had a long talk with God...I actually have them everyday, but he knows what I want, who I want, and what I deserve.  I have given up a few times because I wanted it on my timetable but it doesn't work like that.  So...I am trying my best to wait.  As you get older sex just doesn't mean the same...when you are young you just want to get it out of your system and see what all the hype is about...but the hype dies down after 30 and you realize that you want substance in a relationship, realness/authenticity, true love, those things will not come with just plain sex...it comes with getting to know a person, waiting...taking your time.  So...I'll ask again...why  not wait?  It will mean much more when you have a commitment and it's the right thing to do.  Sometimes the right thing to do is often the hardest, but if you live your life right in God's eyes...he will reward you.  Don't feel like you're living your life in vain and nothing good happens...just keep living and doing what is right and all things will fall into place.  It's a battlefield out there and only the strong survive but God made us to be warriors so don't you dare give up the fight...God sees all that you go through and all that you are doing...when the time is right...you will reap the benefits of your hard work.

I'm Not Saying She's A Gold Digger...BUT...

She ain't messing with no broke n*****...ya'll know the song.  Okay so this has been really bothering me and I may as well write about it.  I'm all for dating or should I say getting to know an older man.  I don't want to say dating because when I think of dating I think of a couple, exclusivity, a title, something.  I normally date younger men...it really is no surprise.  I can't help the way I look, I attract younger men.  Now that in many cases is not a good thing, so I decided that I would try something different and get to know someone older.  I'm talking not quite Victor Newman old but hell, he damn sure was close lol.  Probably almost old enough to be my dad.  Yea...kinda makes you want to throw up a little in your mouth huh?  Well, I actually did throw up in my mouth after the fool tried to kiss me...like really?  Hold your damn horses bruh...I'm not that kind of girl...actually I might be if I was attracted to your ass!  Okay...let's start from the beginning.  This older man saw me, we exchanged information, I mean shoot...he had a nice car lol. Yes that sounds gold diggerish but hey I can admit it.  He was also handsome so it wasn't just the car.  Now I said hey let me do something different for a change and leave these little baby boys alone.  Well this guy knows how to wine and dine a girl.  That was all good until he started talking about his job, telling me in every breath how much money he makes.  Listen, if I was a gold digger I would have been all on it but to me that was just a turn off considering we are not even close to dating.  It was really just an outing (hell I was bored) and I could have sworn I told him that I was okay with getting to know him but I'm not looking for anything serious.  Clearly my dude needed to turn his hearing aid up because his ass did not hear me!  So now the fool was blowing up my damn phone and shit and I swear when he tried to kiss me my expensive ass steak came up my throat!  I'm saying all that to say this: if a woman or a man tells your ass they are just having fun or not looking for anything serious take that and run with it.  Either stay your ass there and do the same and go with the flow or move the hell on.  I'm saying this for me too because those twenty something men are something else and my ass need to just leave them alone too (hmmm jury is still out on that one though lol).  I went from having no guys busting down my door to having a few blowing the door clean off the hinges and I had to just say whoa...I'm definitely still not ready for the dating world.  I just can't do it.  I mean...I'm all for a man being able to give me the world but if that world consists of you force feeding me your job duties, your finances, and all kind of other bullshit that I did not even know I was signing up for then I will have to pass.  I'm sorry.  Don't get me wrong.  I would love to not have to work, be a career student all my life, clean a big ass house of mine, and perhaps be a housewife and trophy wife...but if there is no attraction, no love, no nothing but you trying to impress me and prove that you are the best man in the world...I'm not buying.  Money has never been something that turned me on or was a trigger for me to want to be with someone.  I need to be loved, given attention to...I need to firstly be attracted to you, I'm talking busting the test tubes in chemistry type of attraction...you have to have substance, ambition, intelligence, to name a few.  For me to even pay a man attention he has to bring something to the table that attracts me.  Fast cars always get me into trouble lol...but I'm not twenty anymore and I'm not buying those gadgets to get me to go out with someone anymore.  I've changed.  I've grown up.  I've had the displeasure of having to tell this man that I'm not interested (which is always hard to do because I don't like turning people down, but that's life)...thank goodness it was only two dates...I mean I'm not trying to lead someone on and then ya'll find my body in the Mississippi River.  Shit like that happens and I'm a mother now...I can't just date any old geezer (no pun intended...lmao!!!).  I thought you guys would find this funny...something to lighten the mood up a little bit and for you to see that I'm an open book.  I can't always write about other people...sometimes I have to write from experience so people can see I'm human too and make a lot of mistakes...but learning is half the battle right?

Lesson learned...stick to the baby boys...haha!  I ain't trying to clean nobody's dentures but my own and I have at least 40 more years before that happens...because my teeth on point lol.

Dating is NOT "hanging out"...

I find that people just don't want to date anymore.  They are just not interested.  There is no asking him or her out (let's face it...a woman can ask a man out, it's 2013), no paying for the other persons' meal or drink, no calling to just say hi or say that they were thinking about you...nope there is just none of that.  Now this is my experience so if I'm wrong, please by all means, let me know.  I'll tell you what this world has come to: a text saying: "wyd?".  Umm what do you think I'm doing at this late hour of the night...I'm laying down in my bed.  Furthermore, you have my number obviously because your ass texted me, so why don't you let your fingers do a little bit more work and pick up the damn phone and form a sentence and ask me what I'm doing.  The "wyd" text is just a pre-requiste for "I'm horny, let's fuck".  Pretty much and listen, I'm just being honest.  Hell if that's all you want to do you can still pick up the phone, but we all have just stopped expecting anything from people.  We have sex with them with the idea that we might eventually have a relationship with them and when I say "we" I mean women.  Sorry but that is just not the way it works and in a man's mind that is definitely not how it works.  Honestly...he just wants to fuck you.  Yea, I said it. That's all he wants because if he wanted to date you he would spend a little money on you and show you that you are worth more than just sex.  Now don't get mad at what I'm about to say, but in a sense maybe that is all you are worth because you have allowed it.  I mean if he can buy himself a nice pair of J's, go out to a club and pay money to get it...you mean to tell me he can't pay 8 bucks for a damn drink or 12 bucks for a meal?  Come on...there is something really wrong with that picture.  Now, if you just want to have fun and it's been put on the table that you are single, he's single and neither one is ready to jump into anything serious then hey by all means...do what you do, but don't think that the two of you are dating...nope in the famous words of these youngsters these days...you two are "just kicking it" AKA "hanging out.  Here is my question though:  what has happened to dating?  I may have been out of the dating scene for awhile choosing to be single after my divorce, but damn...I'm terrified to date now.  Terrified because women have to do everything...express her desire to you, text or call you, meet up with you because I guess gas is too damn high for you to pick her ass up or meet her at her house, she has to ask you out, hell maybe even pay because your ass spent too much money on those shoes, she has to seduce you, fuck you, feed you...damn...I'm sorry but that is just way too much...I just can't do it!  Thing is...we do this shit every damn day.  Every day there is a woman giving a man way more than he is willing to give her.  That right there is some serious bull shit.  See there I go getting all pissed off.  Haha!  You can tell when I start to relive something when I write these posts.  It's not me being hypocritical it's me...teaching myself a lesson while teaching someone else what not to do.  The only way I know how to be is real so here it is: STOP BEING SO DAMN AVAILABLE FOR A MAN THAT DOESN'T GIVE A SHIT AND PROBABLY DOESN'T EVEN KNOW YOUR LAST NAME...or even cares for that matter!  Men have a way of sucking your ass in and reeling you in like a damn fish on a string.  They say all the things you want to hear, then when you drop the panties, they start back pedaling saying they only want to be friends.  How about I tell you what I want, and then you tell me if you can provide these things to me.  Now if you can't right then and there  I need to walk my ass out the bar and we need to go our separate ways.  That's the problem right there...women are scared of being alone.  Fuck that shit...I'd rather be alone then be miserable thinking I'm with someone and the truth is we are just fuck buddies.  If you are ready to be in a relationship then get rid of the people that don't want the same things you want.  Now if you don't know what you want, then tell that person and stop playing with people.  Dating is when someone pursues someone that they want to get to know more.  They let their interest be known, they get the person's contact information, they use that information, they communicate, they go out in public, and then maybe they become physical after they have stated what they are looking to get out of this connection.  That is what dating is.  Hanging out is: texts at all hours of the night, fb messages about nothing much, late night meetings, passing you up when they see you in Wal-mart, hot steamy fog the windows up sex with no words, no emotions, no nothing but see you later.  That's it in a nutshell.  Now if that is all you want...fun...then knock yourself out...but if you want God to send you someone then be the someone that you want and you can start with DATING, not HANGING OUT.  You really are worth more than just random, occassional sex when your hormones get high strung, and he is worth more than that too.  We need to stop using our bodies as a tool and use it as what it is...a keepsake to someone who is deserving of it.  But hell no one knows what the fuck they want these days...and that is part of the problem.

E.F.F.O.R.T. YOU SHOULD TRY IT SOMETIME.

Yup I so went there and here is why.  I find people to be so damn lazy these days.  Back when my parents were dating which was about 1972, perhaps a little earlier then that...that's when the word EFFORT meant something.  When my dad was coming up (he was born in 1931)...yes ancient times for us, but parents stayed together, and they taught their children, or better yet showed them how they should treat their significant other and potential mate.  Well throw all that down the drain because in 2013 you have single mothers, single fathers raising kids by themselves, you have tweens (pre-teens) having babies that grow up with their parents.  The point I'm trying to make is that no one values anything anymore let alone sex and relationships.  It's a travesty!  A man doesn't pursue you anymore.  He doesn't knock on your parents' door and ask if he can possibly date you.  Nope...you know what he does?  He sends you a facebook message and asks you out on date, he pumps the horn and expects you to come running out and before your parents can get a glimpse at him the tires are peeling on the pavement.  Damn...is this really what the dating world has become?  I mean I don't know about you put I want a man to work for all that I have to offer him and let me tell you what I have to offer is worth more than diamonds and pearls...like for real.  I'm so sick and tired of people wanting to have sex without getting to know me better yet taking me out on a date. Yes...I'm old-fashioned.  Now grant it, sometimes I have in my life hung out with a guy not expecting anything or wanting anything more than the physical aspect but hell...I'm human and no one on this Earth is perfect.  Having said that...turning 30 really changes your perspective on things and life as a whole. I'm tired of men whispering in my ears, throwing me a few lines of poetry to try to mess with my head, hitting me up on facebook to say I'm beautiful...listen...first and foremost...I already know what I am...I look at myself in the mirror everyday and yes that may be vain for most but here's the point: I KNOW WHO I AM.  However, you DON'T so try and get to know me aside from the physical...look at my heart with a microscope and see what I'm all about. Ask for my number, call me, ask me out and yes pay for it a few times because that's what a man was brought up to do...I was raised old-fashioned so if you can't pursue me, put some damn effort into showing me I'm worth getting to know, if you can't send me flowers on my birthday or just when you are thinking about me...if you can't put your stick in neutral until we know each other enough to where we are exclusive, then guess what?  You're ass can't possible be my man! It really is that simple for me.  I'm tired of the games, I'm tired of the bullshit lies, I'm tired of the excuses of why I'm just so damn perfect for you to where you feel you are not as ready as you thought you were when our paths first crossed...seriously shut the hell up and get out of my face because EFFORT is the name of the game and if you are not ready to work for it then hell no...we can't even converse anymore because your ass is as fake as Nicki Minaj's booty!
Yes...whew!  I had to get that off my chest because everyone talks about wanting to be in a relationship but no one talks about the work they want to put in to making shit work.  Lazy ass motherf####ers!  I know right...bet ya'll didn't think a girl like me could curse like that but then again...your ass doesn't really know me do you?  I'm so much more than what the human eye sees...so much more than the mother, daughter, sister, worker, student, and beauty that you don't ever get the chance to know.  I'm a hopeless romantic, a comedian, an open-minded, fun, exciting, one of a kind woman who happens to know exactly what she wants.  Many men can't handle that and that's why I am single.  It was a choice for me a long time ago to deal with my bitterness of my divorce. Through that I came to know myself.  I vowed to never put myself in a position where someone could have control over the love I had for ME.  If you can't love yourself then you can't expect anyone to love you.  That is the secret to why I am single...but I'm not unhappy.  I just know that no man has been brave enough to put in the EFFORT it takes to win me. Yes...I am a prize and every woman is a prize to someone....it just takes a persistent, special person to take a risk and try.  The problem with people is they give up too fast.  I don't like quitters and I'm finding out that the world is made up of 98% quitters and 2% winners...I'm a winner and I need a winning coach like Sean Peyton.  So put in some EFFORT my friend...those that do always seem to win the race!

This One's For the Girls...

Ladies...have you ever talked to a guy and they say all the things you want to hear, pretend to be so squeaky clean, trying to live for the Lord or whatever, telling you that they don't really like girls with a bunch of makeup, or those who flaunt their boobs and booty on their facebook profile pic, yet...the minute you log on to your facebook or instagram, they are liking the same pics of girls with their boobs and booty out?  What the heck?  Talk about hypocrite city!!!  I just don't understand it.  I thought you said you like girls who have more than just a pretty face and sexy body, yet your actions say otherwise.  So when I put a pic up showing my pretty face, you don't even like it?  And stop right there...before you go and call me a hater that's not it at all.  I'm the first person to give props where they are due.  I have no problems saying a woman is sexy or pretty...I'm very comfortable in my own skin and don't really want to look like anyone else...that's not the issue.  The issue is...don't front and tell me one thing because you are trying to look good in my eyes, but then I go and clearly see you doing quite the opposite of what you are trying to convince me you are not.  It's BS!
Inquiring minds want to know guys...why? What's the deal with that?  Single women all over the world are curious.  I guess I'm just fed up.  It's like men treat women like yo-yo's...one minute you're blowing my cell phone up like a hotline the next minute, I'm texting you 50 million times and you can't even respond, yet your ass on facebook liking pictures of women that you can't even see their damn face because their chest is covering it...that's the reason you liked their picture in the first place though right?
And you talk about we treat men like crap, and we picky, and blah, blah, blah..well hell yes we are picky and so are you! You clearly pay no attention to the girl who works hard, pays her own bills, besides having physical attributes she also has brains to match it, but oh wait...you don't want that...you want her dropping it low to the floor in the club every night, giving you a lap dance working that pole...shoot I can do all those things too but I guarantee you I'm going to have to have some type of title because none of that is free!  But oh wait I guess it is...all you have to do is go to a night club, or walk the local downtown strip to just get that free, but nine times out of ten you only want one thing anyway so that's why you pick them.  You pick them over us every time you go on face book, instragram, every time you by pass my text to message them on facebook, every time you ignore my call to answer theirs...and yet you wonder why when you finally find time out of your busy schedule to call us we don't pick up the phone or we press ignore...it's because you can't come to us when it's convenient for you.  If I can't be a priority in your life then I damn sure will NOT be an obligation either.
Get it together or you gon learn the hard way.  If you can't seem to figure out what you want once and for all then really I don't even need to be your friend because you know where I stand.  You know how I feel.  It's written in plain English and it's been said to you face to face, over the phone, through texts.  
Now figure it out before you lose a diamond because you're too busy chasing the cubic zirconias.  Say what you mean and Mean what you say...or get lost for good...because I deserve a good man...not a loser and every day you show me more and more that I'm worth more than what you are willing to give.  It would be nice for one man to prove me wrong, prove to me that you're not like all the rest...guess it won't be you.

Resolutions or Reservations...hmm...

Well we made it!  January 1, 2013...I just could not resist posting something on the first day of the best month in the world.  Special people were born in this month and the most special person: ME! Seriously though...most people sit and reflect on the prior year and try to evaluate what they did wrong and what they did right and try to make some changes to do things differently, also known as resolutions.
I'm not really fond on resolutions and I actually don't believe in them.  My motto is to just try to be a better person and enjoy the life that God gave us all  year round 365 days.  There is no need to look and ponder on the past because it's gone and it's not coming back.  Don't linger on about the memories you may have had with that special someone...because you can make new memories starting right now and today.  As humans we tend to live in the past, but what good is living in the past because that means you're not focused on your future and more importantly your present.
While you may have reservations about moving forward in general...DON'T...just dive right in and make 2013 the best year ever.  It's all about evolving and becoming a bigger, better, you.
2012 might have brought lots of trials and tribulations, storms and depression sessions but that is all gone.  It's up to you to stop reliving those past moments and start making newer fresher moments and learning how to react in certain situations.  It's all about pushing the envelope and doing different things and expecting different results...get where I'm going here?  We always say we are going to do things differently but we never change the actions we have to go through to have a different outcome...and there lies the problem.
Sometimes we have to let go of fear and just take a little risk in life.  Many people struggle with letting their fear consume them to the point where we talk ourselves out of things and opportunities.  Let's face it...fear is inevitable but believe in yourself so that your confidence overrides the fear...this is when you become successful in life...being everything that God has created you to be.  That's what we all should strive for.  Yes it's hard...believe me I know...but we can't stay in our virtual self pity party forever.  It's time to breakout and breakthrough to victory!  I hope that this year you won't make resolutions...just observe who you are, what you want, and how you're going to get it and go for it!  Nothing is holding you back but yourself.  Don't worry...I've taken my own advice and it has turned out tremendously...we are so ready for you 2013...the world can't end until you feel like you have received your heaven on Earth.  Amen!

This One's for the Kids...12/14/12

It's not a secret what happened a few days ago.  I decided that I would dedicate my 1st December post to Connecticut.  I have not really watched the news because media has a tendency to repeat over and over again what happened and to me it's just not necessary out of respect for the families...so I have not watched the news or been on facebook too much because I just don't want to see it.  I know it happened and I am saddened by the tragedy.  I do know that day I rushed to get my son and niece and nephews' Christmas gifts off of layaway and in the process picked up a DVD for my son that he has been dying to have.  If you are a parent or have lost a child...you can relate to my actions.  If you are not a parent you may not understand the deep unconditional love yet, but your parents understand it and their parents understand and now I understand it.  Yes...this world has gone mad.  There is no other way to explain it.  Parents love your kids, spend time with them because this horrible thing happened because this child felt like his mom was spending more time with her class (which was her job) than she was with him.  I'm sure there were underlying issues besides that main one but I said before that if your child is a murderer or whatever it's because of you.  I know that sometimes you try with kids and they still beyond your control do what they are going to do.  However, behavioral changes are a clear indication that something has snapped so get them some professional help before it's too late and they end up taking the life or lives of innocent people.  You may not agree with what I'm saying and you are entitled to your own opinion, but this is mine.  I have no idea how you take a life...anyone's life let alone a child.  God is the ONLY one who can take a life because he gave it.  All I can say is that this man has to answer to someone and I can't say have mercy on his soul because he knew what he was doing so now he has to meet his Creator.  I won't make this a long drawn out weep fest.  If I can say one thing about this it would be: LOVE YOUR KIDS.  They are gifts as much as they may get on your nerves...they are a part of you.  I never knew what love really was until I had my son. I never understood that love that my parents have for me and why they are so darn overprotective of me until a few years ago.  My parents chose to adopt two kids because my mom could not have anymore kids (her only son died a few days after birth).  Tell me if that is not love.  It was an unselfish act.  My biological mom could not take care of me so she gave me up...that is still love.  I don't regret her giving me up and I don't hate her because she gave other people the chance to love me as their own.  I don't usually divulge this but I'm proud of who I am and I have wonderful exceptional parents and I can only hope to be parents like my parents are to me.  I pray for the families of these victims, I praise the teachers who gave up their lives to save the rest of these beautiful kids, I pray for this country that one day the violence will stop.  I pray for the safety of my child, and yours as well as the safety of my family, friends, schools, jobs, every place that we set foot in because you never know when it will be your time.  It should not have been their time, but we can't question God.  Just stay prayerful and love one another.  Lack of love is why people do the things they do.  It's an empty place when you feel like you have no one...I've been there...God Bless All of You Reading This....

Fighting Demons...

Not really sure where this path of writing will lead me with this post, but just bare with me...it will go somewhere.
Life can be so completely hard.  What makes it even harder is coming home to an empty house, sleeping in an empty bed, holding an empty space next to you as you try to sleep...ultimately a house, not a home.  Sure...there are so many that want to take that empty space, and be next to you in that empty bed...but what good comes out of giving into those temptations if that's not the person you want to be with?  There's a saying that if you can't be with the one you love, then love the one you're with, or the best way to get over someone is to get under someone. 
While that might be true...at the end of it all, when it's all said and done...you're still left in a miserable state because you're only thinking of that one person that you can't be with.  Ugh! Frustrating.  Funny how when you choose to wait on someone, all these other someones are knocking at your door trying to get a little piece of what you are trying to save for that special one.  Then the demons start to slowly come out.  What do I mean by demons?  Well...the devil knows your weakness.  He will do everything in his power to tempt you with what you can't resist.  Then you have the angel with the halo on one side of your shoulder, and the little devil with the pitchfork on the other side.  Man, oh man...it's like having a bipolar disorder because one minute you're saying you're going to do the right thing, then the next you're contemplating doing the wrong thing.  The wrong things feel so right at the time, but after it's done, you just want to regurgitate it out of your system and forget it ever happened right?  So what exactly do you do in this situation?  It's a double edged sword.  If you do the right thing and not give in...you won the war, but lost the battle because you're still not with the one you want to be with.  If you do the wrong thing...instant gratification is satisfied, but you're left with this emptiness because although you gave in...it still feels like nothing.  What you do is...the right thing even when it's hard and it will be hard.  The challenge is to rise above it and fight through the urge to get caught in the devils crossfire.  It's hard fighting demons...especially inner demons.  Trust me I know.  It's like the more you try to grow from the person you once were, the more that person tries to fight their way out and continue onto a path of destruction.  The whole point of life is to be a better you than you were, to learn from past mistakes and turn them into learning experiences...the whole point in life is to GROW.  One can't possibly grow if they keep giving into the demons and temptations and doing the same thing over and over again expecting a different result...we all know what the word is to that definition: INSANITY.
At some point in life...you have to grow up, put your big girl panties on or big boy boxers on and resist whatever it is that causes your demons to come out and play.  Demons are made to be locked up with the key thrown FAR away.  Of course that doesn't always happen.  I've learned to pray my demons away.  My current demon: even though good boys ain't no fun...I'm quite aware that bad boys ain't no good...and I'd rather have a good boy any day now.  Love.  It's what makes the world go round and everybody wants to be loved...but looking for it in the wrong places will cause those demons to explode.  Let love find you, let your demons stay tucked away, or have your full body armor on ready to go to battle and win the war...because happiness is a choice.  We are presented with so many choices in life.  Make the right choice and stop having casual sex with just anyone.  Start loving yourself so that when the right person does come, you'll be prepared to accept that love and be truly happy.  I know it's hard...but you have to start someday...why not start now?  I did :-)

Fairytales...

Fairytales are for kids they say...they say tricks are as well...maybe a fairytale is a trick to make you believe that true love exists.  What exactly is a fairytale ?  Well it's a fantasy, a collection of children's stories, or ideas that only happen in a perfect world (the latter is my definition).  Love is  normally painted as beautiful, perfect, roses and ice cream & lemon drops & gum drops.  I know...pretty sad that as children we grow up thinking prince charming is going to come riding on a horse or if a pretty girl kisses a frog he'll turn into a prince.  I really did think like that up until I was 26 (in the midst of a divorce).  My eyes were opened wide after, but even though my heart had a huge fence around it, deep down...I still am wishing for my fairytale.  I say MY fairytale because I believe that everyone has their own fantasy of what they want in a perfect mate for them.  As much as I love to hide it, I'm a hopeless romantic so I believe in sporadic gestures, candles, cozying up by the fire on cold nights, kissing under the stars, long walks on the beach (not that I've ever been to a beach), but also the not so girly things like laser tag, rock climbing, bumper cars, shooting guns at the shooting range...really any time that I'm spending with him is a fairytale to me.  A fairytale is what is truly in your heart and it's up to you to make that fairytale not just a fantasy but a reality.  People sometimes look at me strangely because I'm so passionate about love.  Even though love has not been so kind to me in the past, I still have not turned my back on it.  Here's why...I had a major hand in finding "love".  What I mean is...God didn't send the person I married to me...he was not the person I was waiting for...well I really wasn't waiting and that was the problem.  I forced God's hand and married a man that was not my soul mate.  What I'm trying to say is...patience is a virtue.  Yes...I am the most impatient person in this world, but hey at least I can admit that as well as admitting when I'm wrong.  I was not ready by any means to get married, but I thought I was.  If I would have just waited...I would have probably saved myself some time and misery and would have most likely been with the person I'm supposed to be with.  At least I learned my lesson, most people don't.  I'm waiting now..wouldn't say I don't get impatient because I definitely do.  However, when I think of all the options out there, or men out there trying to hit it and quit it...I'm good.  I don't want that in my life anymore.  It shows how much I've grown as a person.  I only want one person and if I have to die waiting then so be it.  Sometimes you just feel so strongly about something, or someone and nothing can persuade you otherwise.  My friends think I'm a crazy person for waiting on someone, but I'm not waiting on someone...I'm waiting on God.  I know that he has a plan and I need to stop intervening in his plan and sit still because it's going to happen, but on his time not mine.  I'm divulging all of this because so many times we step into things that could have been avoided if we would have just let God handle it for us.  We are so quick and anxious to be loved that we end up loving the wrong people that truly are not meant for us and then we end up with a broken heart and bucket of tears.  If I could give one piece of advice it would be this: be good to yourself and know what you want, then once you know what you want, pray about it, leave it there, and enjoy your life...when you stop analyzing about being in love...that's when God will send you love.

*this was more like a diary, but writing this I can see my growth* AMAZING!

So What's Your Status?

A lot of times on the most noted social network of this age Facebook, we see relationship statuses.  They go something like this: single, married, divorced, widowed, it's complicated, in a domestic partnership, in an open relationship, etc.  I may have missed one but it's funny because one moment someone is saying they are in a relationship, then the next moment they are divorced or widowed, then it's just complicated.  On this social network relationships come and go, but you know what?  It's not that far fetched because in real life, they come and go as well and most times you don't even really know your status with someone.  So how do you know if you're actually "taken" or "in a relationship"?  Back in school, a note would be passed to the object of your affection and the note would read: do you like me, check yes or no.  Well we are not in school anymore Damon!!! (haha that was a classic line even though I changed it a little bit), so do you ask the person out?  When they say yes does that mean you are "dating"?  Dating could mean just that...going out, laughing, talking on the phone, kissing, but does that constitute as you being taken?  Probably not, and people jump to conclusions because unless it has been communicated that both parties want to date only each other which is the definition of exclusivity then that means you are NOT dating or taken.  Can I get an Amen?  I mean, I'm not a spring chicken anymore, but I still think that I should know if I'm dating someone.  Granted, I've been single for a few years so I'm still a little sketchy on the pragmatics of asking someone to be your girlfriend or boyfriend.  It's 2012 so maybe it's just understood?  Hell somebody please tell me because I'm as lost as ever!  It's funny when a woman or girl thinks she's the only one a guy has eyes for then she finds out someone else is calling her baby, their baby and typing little HTML codes for hearts on their facebook page!  Oh sorry...flashback lol...I tend to do that sometimes.  I need to know...if we are talking every single day through out the day, 24/7, we hang out (no not sex because some people's definition of "hanging out" is bumping and grinding...smh) some heavy petting (but no sex, not everyone jumps bones every time they see each other, although that is nice sometimes lol), and whatever else, movies, dinner, bowling, chatting it up, laughing, and blah blah, blah...pretty much joined at the hip yet still no talks of being exclusive, then what the hell is it?  To me that is investing time and when someone invests time that means they are trying to figure out if they want to purchase the car off the lot and park it under their garage...get my drift?  I guess in this case a person just has to be patient like JOB (in the bible if you don't know) and just go with the flow right?  Well this was just something on my mind and I usually write super long posts but hey... I have school work to do, but just wrote this so you guys wouldn't think I was on hiatus.  Well my relationship status is:....DRUM ROLL PLEASE.....NONE OF YOUR DAMN BUSINESS...HAHA!